Category:  party

The Vodka Watermelon: A Guide

By , August 29, 2011 in booze, drunk food, party, sangria, Vodka, whiskey

Many readers have been writing in and saying, “Don Julian! You have so much fun all the time! How do you do it? Can you provide a step by step tutorial on how I should do something fun?” And despite the fact that the previous sentence is completely fabricated, I will gladly oblige. Here is a step by step guide on how to make — the staple of many a raucous event — a vodka watermelon. PREP A. Attend a houseparty that has a large watermelon readily available. (NOTE: This is made easier if you’re friends with stupid hipsters. Hipsters have an annoying and inexplicable affinity for fresh produce, and only a stupid person would leave a watermelon in plain site at a house party). B. Eye the watermelon craftily and say, “Hey guys! When was the last time we made a vodka watermelon?”. (NOTE: Everyone will say it’s been… Read More »

Wedding Wasted: A Few Practical Tips

By , August 17, 2011 in party, wedding

Wedding Crashers is a work of fiction. Let’s get that out of the way right now. You are not as charming as Vince Vaughn. Your nose is not as charmingly deformed as Owen Wilson’s. Thus, you will never be able to sustain a social life based around the infiltration of strangers’ weddings. That’s the bad news. The good news is that you don’t have to crash weddings because you will be invited to them. And unless you are Amish, these weddings will have open bars (If you are Amish, I thank you for reading the Boozin Blog print newsletter!). Now, before you go running off to nudge all of your friends into matrimony, remember this: there is a fine line between “that guy who was a blast at the wedding” and “that guy who puked on the flower girl”. Follow these three arbitrary, not at all thorough tips at your… Read More »

Definitely a Bocce Ball Court

By , August 11, 2011 in party

On certain occasions, a night is filled with wild quotes and occurrences, but has no real unifying “story”. Recently, I had such a night. The below transcript is my attempt to share it with you. Dave is the wildest person I know. Nick is the most rational person I know when he is sober, but the most narcoleptic person I know when he is drunk. We will not meet sober Nick tonight and, for the most part, we will not meet drunk Nick either. Dave, Nick, and I have been pre-gaming for far too long. Me: “Cue’s [a dive bar nearby] is about to close. Should we bother?” Dave: “Yes.” At Cue’s. Nick is already groggy and slides into a booth. Dave and I approach the bar. Dave: “We will have two pitchers, please.” Bartender: “You won’t have time to drink those.” Dave: “Yes we will. And four shots of… Read More »

A Camping We Will Po (Po)

SHOONK-SHOONK-SHOONK! Summer is a great time for camping. Camping is a great time for drinking. Teenagers know this. Unfortunately for teenagers, cops know this too. Nineteen, cheap, and on summer break from college, my friends and I picked the campsite at the top of the road strategically. If a patrol car came through, we’d see it at the bottom of the hill, hide the alcohol and, at the very worst, be asked to move along for camping without a permit. But by the end of the night, it appeared our woodland party had gone off without a hitch. We’d even played Woods Pong to our hearts’ content and not one of us contracted a disease! Maybe the Keystone Light killed all of the germs we took in. Of course, I can really only say the latter with confidence as this story took place in 2008. I was worried there for… Read More »

More unsolicited Halloween party advice

In case you missed, yesterday I decided to start dolling out advice for your Halloween parties this weekend. I did this without caring at all whether or not you actually want my advice. And today my advice – and apathy of your opinion of it – continues: Bring a buddy. I’m not telling you to bring a designated driver. If you haven’t clued in to that yet, then you’re too stupid to get it if I tell you one more time. What I’m telling you here is to bring someone with you who can and will tell you when you’ve had enough even if you don’t want to hear it. Plus, with a buddy along it’s more fun to laugh at the drunken idiot showing his ass out. Don’t be a douche. The ongoing rule of the Boozin’ Blog about drinking certainly applies to Halloween parties – Don’t be a… Read More »

Unsolicited Halloween party advice

For those of us without young kids, Halloween has increasingly become a chance to party. There really couldn’t be a better time of the year for it, especially outdoor parties. The weather is cool, odds of rain are fairly low and the summer bugs are gone. Perfect for lighting a bonfire and drinking the night away. Plus, this year finds us with a Sunday Halloween meaning that there are likely two or even three Halloween parties on our calendars. So, we here at the Boozin’ Blog thought that this would be a good time to offer a little unsolicited party advice. We don’t have any problems with your boozing it up; in fact we encourage it. But, keep a few these few things in mind while you’re doing it. Eat. It wouldn’t be a party without nibblies about. Use them to pace yourself and make sure that you’ve got something… Read More »