5 Slurpable Cocktails

The week after July 11th (National Free Slurpee Day) is a melancholy one. Those of us who partook are lamenting the fact that a gratis frozen slush drink no longer awaits us, and those of us who missed it- well, I don’t think I need to spell out the tragedy there.

But we at BoozinGear are advocates of forward-thinking! Do not grieve lost opportunity. Let it inspire! Say, “How can I do better? How can I one-up my fleeting romance with complimentary, icy, sugary gloop?”

The answer is simple: make it boozy. The only thing better than a free slurpee? A cheap slurpee with a kick. With two months of summer left, you’ve got plenty of time to mix and match your favorite beat-the-heat (and beat-the-sober) brain-freezers, but here are a few ideas to go with my 5 favorite flavors.

Bone Slurpateet!

~Don Julian

1. Coke

F**k variety. F**k your opinion. Coca-cola is hands-down, 100% the best flavor of slurpee. Ever. There are the obvious mixers: whiskey, its derivatives, rum, etc. But it’s the summer time! Let’s think that way! Nothing tastes better on a sticky, humid July day than an iced tea!

Reverse Long Island Iced Tea
A normal L.I. calls for a lot of liquor and a splash of coke, but it also calls for instantaneous blackout, so let’s switch up the ratio a bit:

8 oz. Coke Slurpee
.5 oz. Vodka
.5 oz. Light Rum
.5 oz. Tequila
.5 oz. Gin
.5 oz. Orange flavor shot (They’re right next to the soda fountain. Uh, duh!)

-Fill slurpee and deposit flavor shot at 7-11.
-Go home and add liquor.
-Mix thoroughly, but slowly. You don’t want to disturb the icy integrity of the Slurpee.

2. Pina Colada

I’m surprised this got away with being a flavor of a drink line so clearly directed at children. Why stop at Pina Colada? Where’s my Slurparita? Or Slurpee Old Fashioned?

Slurpee Colada
8 oz. Pina Colada Slurpee
1.5 oz. Rum

-Fill slurpee
-Search 7-11 for appropriate garnish. David Wondrich of Esquire says (of normal Pina Coladas), “hell, whatever you’ve got. Cherry. Pineapple. Fruit”. This is extra-true for us. 7-11 is not known for its fresh produce, so literally go with whatever you can find that doesn’t have bruises or flies.
-Go home and add liquor slowly. Also, keep the liquor chilled before you add! Warm liquor will turn a slurpee into syrup.

3. Mountain Dew: Live Wire

The first time Mountain Dew: Live Wire came out, the label said something along the lines of “THIS SUMMER ONLY! DRINK IT ALL IMMEDIATELY!”, so my friends and I immediately bought ten 2-liter bottles because we loved it so much and wanted to have it forever. Years later, it still returns annually, so the stockpile is an embarrassing mar on the history of our friendship.

But since it is the absolute tastiest orange bastardization I’ve ever had, I’ve forgiven them and you should, too.

Dewar’s and Dew
8 oz. Mountain Dew: Live Wire
1.5 oz. Scotch (Doesn’t have to be Dewar’s. I just like alliteration.)

-Pour. Add. Mix slowly. You know the deal.

4. Hawaiian Punch

Until now, we’ve been using the smallest size available–8 oz.–as it’s most appropriate for a single-serving recipe, but I would be remiss for doing a slurpee feature without highlighting the unnecessarily wide range of sizes. Punch is for sharing, after all…

20 oz. Hawaiian Punch Slurpee
20 oz. Sprite Snowball Blast Slurpee
? oz. Everclear

-Fill a 40 oz. Slurpee cup halfway with Hawaiian Punch slurpee.
-Top off with Sprite Snowball Blast.
-At the liquor store, avert your eyes while buying Everclear. Let nobody see your shame.
-Add as much or as little as you feel comfortable with. We all know how much the recipe called for in college, but that’s not something we’re comfortable advocating here.
-Share with whatever friends you have left!

5. Frawg

This would be higher up on the list, but I’m pretty sure it’s a defunct flavor. Regardless, Frawg, the caffeinated apple soda flavor, wins a spot if only for being the only apple soda I know. For those of you unacquainted with the magic of the Frawg, it is sickeningly sweet and just as green, so there’s only one way to go with it:

8 oz. Frawg
1.5 oz. Vodka
.5 oz. Orange Liqueur

-Pour slurpee, mix ingredients slowly, bla, bla, bla.
-Make a few Scrubs jokes, finish the drink, and go find the guy with the jungle juice.





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