Dammit, Starbucks

Atlanta, we’re in a fight.

No! Nnno! Get… your grubby hands OFF OF ME!

A back rub won’t get you out of this one.

You get to enjoy Ludacris’ Chicken and Beer destination at Hartsfield-Jackson. I get that. He’s an Atlanta rapper, so it’s only fair. Same reason I- as an LA resident- get to enjoy Tupac’s mortuary, Who You Callin’ Dead?!. 

But this is different. In December, intrepid boozin’ blogger Rick Kirby reported that Starbucks would be rolling out locations that serve beer and wine. As only eleven of the eleven thousand Starbucks in operation were expected to go alcoholic, hoping for one in your town was like hoping for the golden ticket to Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory: chances were slim and even if you got one, you’d be too much of a brat to enjoy it.

But apparently Atlanta is the Charlie F***ing Bucket of the simile because, according to the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, Starbucks “…said Monday it plans to begin serving beer and wine at four to six metro Atlanta locations this year”. The only comfort I take from this is that, even with four to six serving locations, it is Starbucks so there’s a decent chance they’ll all be located within one and a half blocks of each other in some traffic-y corner of Midtown or Buckhead.

On a serious note, the company “…selected wines and beers [that] will reflect customer tastes and preferences in each locality”. I’ll be very interested to see what beers they end up stocking in Atlanta. Sweetwater? Red Brick? Maybe something a little further away like Terrapin?

What do you guys think? Can you not wait to get drunk at a Starbucks?? Er- can you not wait to get drunk at a Starbucks without getting a deathstare from the barista??

By the way, Atlanta… I’m sorry. I lost my temper before. Plus, I just realized the article clearly says that the roll-out will also occur in Chicago and Southern California… the latter of which might include Los Angeles. Forgive me? No?

Back rub?

~Don Julian






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