Pepe Veláquez’s Craft Beer Christmas

It’s winter time in Los Angeles which means one thing for Pepe Velazquez: Craft Beer Christmas!

This is Pepe’s favorite time of year. Everyone in town knows Pepe’s commitment to having the best Craft Beer Christmas ever.

Now most people think of Los Angeles and they say, “L.A? Well that’s not a very Christmas-friendly town. New York is where it’s at. White Christmases, horse and buggies through Central Park, parades, blah blah, blah blah, blah blah…” Well normally you would be right. But not at Pepe’s house. His holiday parties are world renowned in the craft beer world.

Die Hard - Why people don't go to LA for Christmas. - Craft Beer Christmas

Die Hard – Why people don't go to LA for Christmas.

Every Christmas, Pepe buys out all the macro-beer in the surrounding towns to prevent ignorant consumers from purchasing inferior beer, but he doesn’t just throw it away. That would be wasteful.

Pepe takes all of the beer and creates an aqueduct that runs from the Hills towards the ocean where halfway it passes through a power plant that provides power to the homeless shelters of Los Angeles, which in turn provides heat for the homeless. The beer continues on its path to a processing plant where it is mixed with flour, baking soda and sugar to make bread which in turn is used to feed the homeless. These resources last until Mid-February, right when the homeless start migrating back to San Francisco.

The rest of the beer continues on until it reaches a station in Burbank where the carbonization is magnified through a kinetic ionization process that remolds the beers fundamental structure so that it become 100% foam. It then takes the foam, freezes it, shaves it and dispenses it through a machine not unlike a gigantic wood chipper. The result? Beer snow. 100% sustainable, 100% awesome.

It’s a white craft beer Christmas in Los Angeles, all thanks to Pepe Velazquez.

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