Many attributes can be attached to we drinkers: degenerate, wasteful, ridiculous, perhaps most definitively, debaucherous.
Now those are all good and fun, but I like a positive spin when picking my adjectives, so I just refer to our community as immensely celebratory.
St. Patrick’s Day, Halloween, Independence Day, Memorial Day, Bastille Day if you’re feeling cultural. Any time of the year, drinkers will find a reason to justify their habit.
Most of the time, it’s a stretch (“Columbus day? Really?”) But every now and then, things work out so perfectly- line up so very precisely- that you shouldn’t even feel a twinge of guilt for day drinking.
Ladies and gentlemen, we are on the eve of one such time.
- Cinco de Mayo: A celebration of heritage commemorating the Mexican army- outnumbered 2-to-1- against the occupying French army’s attack on Fort Puebla in 1862. Also a celebration of tequila, Mexican beer, and strong margaritas-often 2-for-1.
- The Kentucky Derby: “The Most Exciting Two Minutes in Sports”, a 137-year-old horse race marked by seersucker, floppy hats, and mint juleps. Oh- and a complete disregard by young drunks for the class, tradition, and heritage associated with the event (see Cinco de Mayo).
- Mayweather-Cotto: Non-boxing fans may consider this a stretch, and those who know me well may be puzzled by the fact that a pacifist, fairly non-sporty guy as myself is hailing this as a reason for celebration. To that, I say two things: (A) I thought I made it clear that I am completely willing to stretch for a holiday. (B) In his last fight, the undefeated Mayweather won with a “technically wasn’t, but totally was a” sucker punch and then nearly came to blows with the almost sixty-something announcer. Plus, he’s going to jail in like four days. Something worth seeing will happen at this fight.
Anyways, my point is, Cinco and the Derby will happen every year, and assuming he doesn’t punch any septuagenarians tomorrow, Mayweather will fight again. But three such booze-fueled events may not fall on the same day any time soon. Opportunities don’t come along every year, maybe not even every decade. Make. This. Count.
Mix of a Julep Margarita. Play some Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots while doing Tequila Rapidos. Throw on your boxing gloves, eat some tacos, mix up a mint julep (probably best done in reverse order).
I could leave you with more suggestions and try to whip up a recipe or two, but I’m honestly on vacation and need to figure out how I’m going to figure out this MegaZord of a holiday myself. Be creative. You can do this.
Happy Seersucker, Sombreros, and Sucker Punches to all.
Wikipedia. Seriously, I’m on vacation. Gimme a break.