Countdown Mardi Gras: And Miss the Party?

Mardi Gras is on Tuesday, Februany 21st (That was no typo. I’m gunning for a sponsorship- Subway, can you hear meee?). For the next week, the Boozin’ Blog will be counting down the days until the holiday of holidays, festival of drunks (and culture, if you’re looking for that sort of thing) with a few do’s and dont’s we’ve learned over the years.

DON’T leave yet!

I get it, I get it. You have a job, you have class. Maybe you finally got an appointment with that really good gyno and to reschedule would be like shooting yourself in the-

Anyway, Fat Tuesday- the day you’ve been celebrating- is TOMORROW! When you’re at a party, do you leave right before the stripper pops out of the cake? Only if it’s carrot cake! 

If your plan was to take advantage of the 3-day weekend and then sadly pack your things and return just before the festivities really pop off, there is only one person who can save this. “That friend”. You know who I’m talking about. This is the guy that convinced you to do Vegas on a whim with nowhere to stay. That time you drove to the state line to take advantage of lax liquor laws? His idea. Similarly, if you’re going to make this a next level Mardi Gras, you’ll have to stand back and let him do his thing.

On the off chance that you don’t have a friend like that (I mean, everyone should), below are a few tips on being that friend yourself:

-Think out loud. Six magic words: “I’m just thinking out loud here”. It’s disarming. It makes your friends feel like they’re just humoring your little delusions. And then you reel them in with:

-Perspective. What matters today? What’s going to matter tomorrow? Will failing that test matter in a day? Maybe. What about a year from now? Ten years from now? Seventy years from now when dimentia has set in and your extremeties are paralyzed by arthritis? (You may have to zoom way out, but you can always find a perspective that works in your favor).

-Divide and Conquer. There’s somebody practically on your side already. It’s the person who has the least vested interest in going home. Maybe somebody who doesn’t have a 9-to-5 or is still in college, but studying something silly like writing. Get them to cross over and you’ve got the ball rolling.

-Shotgun. One of the most important bargaining chips on a road-trip is the seat with the business-class leg space and the radio access. Promise it to the most stubborn of your group if he agrees to stay. It doesn’t matter because, after four days in NOLA, somebody is going to be on vomit-watch and they’ll get it by default.

-Bigger, Better, Guiltier. This trip is bigger than you; It’s bigger than your friends. At least that’s what you need to convince them. So what if you’re gonna be tired and have to play catch-up all week. Think about all the people who didn’t get this opportunity, our friends that are being responsible and living vicariously through us! When they ask how Mardi Gras was, do you want to tell them about the weekend before Mardi Gras, or do you want to puff out your chest, look them straight in the eye and say, “I have no idea. But at least I was there, dammit.”

Precisely.

And let me know how it is! I’ve always had to leave early.

 

 

~Don Julian

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