Okay, this is awkward. Ã‚Â WeÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re well into the second week of December which means, by my calculations, IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ve posted nothing in just over a month. Ã‚Â This is, of course, due to the inherent difficulty in writing about getting drunk: it encourages me to shirk responsibility by… getting drunk.
Ã¢â‚¬Å“But Don Julian, Hemingway did it!Ã¢â‚¬Â Well, if Hemingway shot himself in the face with a shotgun, would you? (HINT: He did; you didnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t). Ã‚Â The truth of the matter is that IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢d love more than anything to be able to write while inebriated, but itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s just not in my drunk skill set. Ã‚Â See chart:
Things in my drunk skill set: eating — dancing — getting drunker — sleeping — freestyle rapping — talking to people that scare me — karaoke — writing texts that are terrible ideas.
Things not in my drunk skill set: operating heavy machinery — writing anything that I am supposed to have put effort into — being pregnant — freestyle rapping (I lied before) — accurately assessing how much money I have available to spend on drinks.
So as you can see, any attempt to write whilst drinking is generally derailed by a frozen pizza, a dance marathon, or a text that reads something like, Ã¢â‚¬Å“booty now you h3re?;; OH YESÃ¢â‚¬Â.
Of course, IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m not saying IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ve given up on having fun. Ã‚Â IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m just making a promise to organize my time a bit better. Ã‚Â After all, itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s the holiday season and now more than ever should I be giving you all the gift of silly stories, snarky suggestions, and reviews of booze that never should have seen the light of day.
But before I do that, I need someone to lay down a beat so I can spit a couple hot verses. Ã‚Â No, really, I have mad flow when IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m drunk! Ã‚Â Bro, I’m serious!