Alternative Costume Ideas

If you’re anything like me you don’t have the money for four store bought costumes for Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday night.

There is an alternative to purchasing four costumes. I’m talking about making your own out of pre-owned materials, i.e. things lying around the home or office/things that you steal out of the neighbor’s yard

Some of these costume ideas are not for the apprehensive. If you’re trying to save money then you must be prepared to go against the grain of what is socially acceptable/legally permissible.  You’ll have to roll up your sleeves and get your hands a little dirty.

Here’s an easy one you can do right in the office.

Caterpillar

What you’ll need for this costume:

Computer chairs (the more the better)

Blankets/carpeting

Electrical wire

Round trash can lid

Green spray paint

 

Begin by collecting as many computer chairs from around the office as you possibly can. Around eight makes a pretty good caterpillar. Line them up in a row in the break room or wherever you will have the most room and least interruptions.

Next find blankets. Most people keep a few in their trunks for emergencies; check coworker’s trunks using a crowbar. If you don’t have a crowbar or simply can’t find blankets then find something sharp and begin tearing out the carpet in your boss’s office while they’re out at lunch. The carpet won’t be as moldable as the blankets but it will work in a pinch.

Drape your materials over the chairs in a manner that would indicate a caterpillar. A few lumps here and there are okay; people will get the idea.

Next you’ll need to hold the whole thing together. If you already have string or rope, great for you; go climb a mountain. Most people don’t have that shit in their cars so here’s what you do. Grab a blunt object and begin smashing in the dry wall. If the walls in your office are brick or cinderblock don’t be an idiot. Go to a neighboring office (preferably one with low security). Once you’ve found your way into the walls begin pulling wire. Copper is best.

This would be a good time to mention that wires conduct electricity and pulling them without turning off the breakers will kill you. So, um, do that now if you haven’t already.

*If pulling wire just isn’t an option then the next best option is break lines. Find an older car in the parking lot that doesn’t have a security system, crawl underneath and snap the suckers right off.

Once you have your wires or break lines use them to string the computer chairs together. Leave enough wire at the end to wrap around your waist a few times. When finished, use the blankets to mask your work.

Now you’re almost finished. Grab the green spray paint (the only thing you may have to purchase) and paint the blankets and garbage can lid. When finished used the remaining paint to spray yourself. It helps to have a friend in this situation. They can not only paint you but stand by if you pass out from fumes.

Tie the wire to your waste and place the garbage can lid on your head. Lastly, enjoy your night out and make sure to avoid the police.

Exit Sign

What you’ll need for this costume:

An exit sign.

Duct tape.

 

This one is fairly easy.

Find an Exit sign. Duct tape it to your chest. Stand near an exit. Or if you want to be ironic, stand near an entrance.

Pants Monster

What you’ll need for this costume:

Pants

Staple gun

 

All fear the terrible Pants Monster!!! ARGG!!!

This costume is a favorite among masochists. First, grab as many pants as you possibly can and make about 6 piles of similar matching colors. Take each pile, line up the pants and staple them together so you end up with six hula skirts made of pants. Then take the first “pants skirt” and place it just above your knees. Staple it in. Then grab the next one and place it at your waist. Staple it on as well. Continue this layering every eight inches or so until you are placing staples in the crown of you head. Don’t worry about wiping up the blood. It should add to the effect of the costume. If you’ve done it correctly you should look like a mop that’s been soaked in blood.

Scream in agony (it should be easy) and tell people you’re the pants monster. If they don’t get it then they’re not the kind of people you want to associate with anyway.

Pumpkin Skin

What you’ll need for this costume:

Superglue

Pumpkins

 

This is by far the simplest one and gives a lot of freedom to design your own unique look.

Go to neighbors’ houses. Steal pumpkins. Go home. Smash pumpkins. Grab pumpkin bits and superglue them to body. Superglue bits to half of face for phantom of the opera look. Take insides of pumpkin (pulp) and make pumpkin wig. Take stems and glue to nipples to give dark, witchy look. Take seeds and super glue to body for scale-like, pumpkin seed armor. Wreak havoc.

Fun things to do in your pumpkin skin costume: Eat pumpkin pie and tell people you are a pumpkin cannibal. Remove pumpkin seeds from a pumpkin with tongs and tell people you are a pumpkin abortion doctor. Set a pumpkin patch on fire and call it pumpkin genocide. Drink pumpkin juice and tell people you are a pumpkin vampire.  Start smashing pumpkins and call yourself Billy Corgan. Wait, no, that one doesn’t… whatever.

 

In the end it’s all about committing to the costume you’re wearing, not costuming the committee you’re ending.

And remember the real costume is the one we wear every day.

Whatever you do make sure to have a very spooky Halloween.

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