You think you love karaoke? I love karaoke. Nono, sh. I. Love. Karaoke.
Just a few weeks ago, I walked into a bar IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ve never heard of, on a night I shouldnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t have been out, and I stumbled upon a weekly karaoke contest. I won.
The next week, I did not win. I got gonged off the stage before I could finish. Gonged.
Can I logically explain why an audience loves my rendition of ShaggyÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s Ã¢â‚¬Å“It WasnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t MeÃ¢â‚¬Â, but canÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t stand my rockinÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ cover of Sum 41Ã¢â‚¬â„¢s Ã¢â‚¬Å“Fat LipÃ¢â‚¬Â? I canÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t. ThatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s just karaoke, mama. The unforgiving Ã¢â‚¬Å“artÃ¢â‚¬Â.
And thatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s what some people need to understand. Karaoke is not art. Maybe Ã¢â‚¬Å“artÃ¢â‚¬Â, but never art. ItÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s not an audition and itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s not about talent. If you came for talent, the doorÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s that way. Talent donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t live here no more. Energy lives here. Irony? Irony has a permanent lease.
Because karaoke isnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t just for people who wish they could sing. ItÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s for the people who know the world isnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t ready for them. A 5Ã¢â‚¬â„¢1Ã¢â‚¬Â Philippina girl who can perform Ice CubeÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s full canon, from Ã¢â‚¬Å“Straight Outta ComptonÃ¢â‚¬Â to Ã¢â‚¬Å“Good DayÃ¢â‚¬Â? Major record labels may not be interested. But karaoke is. Or what about the 300-lb. former high school linebacker who can whine Avril LavineÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s Ã¢â‚¬Å“ComplicatedÃ¢â‚¬Â, making it sound like the anti-pop diva herself? He may not be up for a Teen Choice Award. But karaoke will reward him handsomely.
At this point, some of you may be asking, Ã¢â‚¬Å“Don Julian, why are you abusing your power to lecture us on karaoke? What does karaoke have to do with boozeÃ¢â‚¬Â¦Ã¢â‚¬Â
Okay, honestly, IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m fairly certain none of you are asking that. Karaoke has everything to do with booze. In fact, any time I mention karaoke to a friend, this is how the conversation goes:
Me: Hey! Wanna hit up some karaoke tonight?
Friend: I dunnoÃ¢â‚¬Â¦ I really only do karaoke when IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m wastedÃ¢â‚¬Â¦
Me : Oh, what a shame. I was planning on going to that sober karaoke place.
Me: Ã¢â‚¬Â¦Yeah. ThatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s pretty much the plan.
The bottom line here is that karaoke is a beautiful thing. It had been out of my life for too long and IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m all too glad to have it back. If itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s been a while for you as well, I suggest you pay your local karaoke bar a visit. What’s the worst that could happen?
ANSWER: You will be gonged off the stage, and it will be oodles of fun.