Did you feel that this morning? The world just seemed a little righter. The earth seems to be spinning a little more smoothly on its axis. Things are just a little more in order this week than last.
If you detected that vague feeling of betterness this morning when you woke up, it’s probably because the German beer market is finally on the rise again. It’s a great relief to people like me who need certain truths to remain true in order to be comfortable in this world. English cuisine sucks, Australians call everyone Bruce, Americans are overweight, and Germans drink beer. If any of these things become untrue, I start to get upset.
That’s why I’ve been on edge since 2007 when the German beer market started to decline. People who study these things say that folks just started drinking more wine and other forms of alcohol but, I know it’s just that the Germans weren’t doing their part.
Regardless of the reason, the worrying trend continued, season after season, year after year and I became more and more upset. But, now, perhaps, I can finally go off the Zoloft because for the first time since that dark year, German beer sales for the first half of 2011 are on the rise again.
Once again, people who study this sort of thing point to warmer than usual weather this past spring. But, you and I know better, right? It’s just that the Germans finally realized the damage that they were doing and finally got their shit together. Now, as long as Americans continue to neglect their diet and exercise, I should be okay.